Spacial Restrictions

My family lives in a mobile home and lives in very close quarters. Our room, bathroom, and babies’ nursery is on one side of the house to maintain closeness on purpose. I hope that there is never a fire but I want the whole family close just in case so I could grab the kids quickly. It makes communication easier because we always know where each other are located; however, when my husband and I are having a disagreement it makes things difficult because there is not a place to go and be alone. We do have one room at the very end of the mobile home but it is full of boxes and not a very good place to go and think about whatever just happened. We just moved so we do not have much décor in the house; however, we only have one couch and one glider rocker so it makes it hard to avoid communication. Our couch is rounded so for both of us to be on it we pretty much have to maintain physical contact and communicate.

There are no real boundaries within our house. We sometimes share our feelings that we need space and we will try to give it; however, rather than expressing that vocally there are no boundaries. Between our house and the outside environment I have worked hard to create boundaries. I want my husband and I to talk about anything and everything but there is a time and a place. I do not want to talk about an issue we have been having while at dinner with friends or visiting with family. I wish to do that within our own family’s walls. I think because of this we have an isomorphic appearance. We are not fake in public, but we have the same appearance as everyone else that we have it all together. Technically we all have our differences though and different ways of handling conflict and hard situations. That would make us different from the rest of the people we associate with.

Classmate Response:
I think the Burley family has the perfect balance of spatial restrictions. They allow for intimate relationships within the family but allows individual space within their own rooms. I think this is how it should be because everyone just needs some time alone and if there are tensions within the household there needs to be places to retreat to until the tension has settled.

Family Stress

My grandmother and I have always been at odds with one another. From a very young age I was use to seeing her slam doors and disappearing for years at a time, so once I got older I did not want a relationship with her. Last November though I got a phone call that everyone in the family was sick or could not leave work, except for me, and that the EMS was taking my grandmother to the hospital. I got voted to go and talk to the doctors and report to my family because they were all concerned, but I was inevitably annoyed.

Little did I know that this would be the last time I saw her, as she died two weeks later. It was the week of Thanksgiving and it was very hard for our family. Everyone was sad, except for me. I felt relief. The stress of worrying about the next time she would leave or treat me badly was gone. I could now be around my family and not have to worry if she was going to be there. But I also did have a hard time, deep down. A few years back I tried to make amends with her but she did not care. She denied all of my memories and told me to leave, so that is what I did; but her death was still hard. I spent the entire week drunk as I avoided all of my family’s mourning. They did not understand that I was struggling and they did not enjoy me seeing my mask of happiness. It was a very hard time for our family.

My family suffered from horizontal stress. My grandmother’s constant abuse directed towards me disrupted what my life should have been like, caused developmental stress, and disrupted my life cycle. No child should have to hide in their own grandparent’s house in hopes to not be hit next. My grandmother stole a lot of my innocence and as she kept allowing my grandfather to act like this.

My family probably experienced all of the stages of a family crisis as they had to adjust to their new life; but I know that I definitely did. When I got the phone call I sat there in shock, then I headed to the nursing home to see that she was really dead. As sick as this was, I needed to see that she was no longer with us to really feel free; even though my family did not understand why I went since I never seemed to care about her. Then I went into both a recoil and depression kind of at the same time as I drank away my sorrows. Drinking allowed me to get out all of my emotions in a safer environment then if I was sober. Then I went through a reorganization process as I drew closer to the rest of my family. I suddenly enjoyed going to family events and even helped plan our first Christmas because I finally felt comfortable being around my cousins without all of the tension.

I used coping strategy level III. I created a new assumption of how life should be. Instead of staying in my depression I decided to move on and make up for lost time with my family and I have never regretted a day of that ever since. Now my cousins call me and they all even came to my wedding. I now finally feel like part of their family and have a new sense of peace about family events.

Classmate Response

I would like to comment on the Burley family's stress. I understand Dani's stress as it is exactly what I am going through, with a couple of roles reversed. I am a newlywed, a mom-to-be, and a college student. College has caused my husband and I a lot of stress and has made life difficult, even though we like to blame other things. Stress is stress and thankfully college has breaks for all of us who need a break to focus on the other roles that we are facing.