Family Stress

My grandmother and I have always been at odds with one another. From a very young age I was use to seeing her slam doors and disappearing for years at a time, so once I got older I did not want a relationship with her. Last November though I got a phone call that everyone in the family was sick or could not leave work, except for me, and that the EMS was taking my grandmother to the hospital. I got voted to go and talk to the doctors and report to my family because they were all concerned, but I was inevitably annoyed.

Little did I know that this would be the last time I saw her, as she died two weeks later. It was the week of Thanksgiving and it was very hard for our family. Everyone was sad, except for me. I felt relief. The stress of worrying about the next time she would leave or treat me badly was gone. I could now be around my family and not have to worry if she was going to be there. But I also did have a hard time, deep down. A few years back I tried to make amends with her but she did not care. She denied all of my memories and told me to leave, so that is what I did; but her death was still hard. I spent the entire week drunk as I avoided all of my family’s mourning. They did not understand that I was struggling and they did not enjoy me seeing my mask of happiness. It was a very hard time for our family.

My family suffered from horizontal stress. My grandmother’s constant abuse directed towards me disrupted what my life should have been like, caused developmental stress, and disrupted my life cycle. No child should have to hide in their own grandparent’s house in hopes to not be hit next. My grandmother stole a lot of my innocence and as she kept allowing my grandfather to act like this.

My family probably experienced all of the stages of a family crisis as they had to adjust to their new life; but I know that I definitely did. When I got the phone call I sat there in shock, then I headed to the nursing home to see that she was really dead. As sick as this was, I needed to see that she was no longer with us to really feel free; even though my family did not understand why I went since I never seemed to care about her. Then I went into both a recoil and depression kind of at the same time as I drank away my sorrows. Drinking allowed me to get out all of my emotions in a safer environment then if I was sober. Then I went through a reorganization process as I drew closer to the rest of my family. I suddenly enjoyed going to family events and even helped plan our first Christmas because I finally felt comfortable being around my cousins without all of the tension.

I used coping strategy level III. I created a new assumption of how life should be. Instead of staying in my depression I decided to move on and make up for lost time with my family and I have never regretted a day of that ever since. Now my cousins call me and they all even came to my wedding. I now finally feel like part of their family and have a new sense of peace about family events.

Classmate Response

I would like to comment on the Burley family's stress. I understand Dani's stress as it is exactly what I am going through, with a couple of roles reversed. I am a newlywed, a mom-to-be, and a college student. College has caused my husband and I a lot of stress and has made life difficult, even though we like to blame other things. Stress is stress and thankfully college has breaks for all of us who need a break to focus on the other roles that we are facing.