Power

My mother, Janet, uses her economic resources against me at all times. While she is not financially hurting she likes to pretend that she is to withhold helping me. I could write an entire book about incidents just from this year alone. Back in May I asked her to cosign a loan for me so I could attend summer school and she would not because she did not want to be responsible for me not making payments, even though I have never made a late payment on anything. I decided to not talk to her for a week because I was trying to figure out alternative ways when one day out of the blue she called and said that she would pay for the whole tuition amount. In one week she went from not even a signature to paying $5,000. Then as we started wedding planning she refused to help because she said that she had expenses come up. I was not bitter towards this since I understand that happens; however, when I went to deposit $100 into her banking account I saw that she had over $25,000 in her checking account. It does not take a scientist to know that glasses and going to the dentist will not cost that entire amount so I did get a little mad since I am her only daughter and it is a one time event. A week before the wedding though she changed her mind again and ended up helping us out. She uses her resources to try and manipulate me into her way of life even though I am married now and trying to depend on my husband; like I feel a marriage should be. I think that if she set up budgets for certain events in advance and share it equally between my brother and I that it would be much fairer. That way there are no set expectations and she cannot force me into feeling bad or guilty for asking for help on occasion.

My new family, involving my husband, me, and twins, are definitely more conversation oriented. My husband and I both grew up in conformity style homes and did not want to continue that in her family. There is definitely a line that we maintain so our children remember that we are their parents; however, we talk about things and are very open so the children understand why we discipline or think the way we do, also that allows for discussion and for us to change our behavior if the kids have good reasons on while we are being unreasonable in a particular situation. This is very successful for my husband and I, in particular, because it keeps a level of equality in our marriage. While my husband makes all of the decisions in the end, it makes me feel like a person when he consults me and we talk about what is going on. This is the only way we will remain effective parents too because our children will have a harder time manipulating us. If my husband and I are always on the same page, at least in their presence, then there will no need for our kids to put us against each other or go behind our backs because they will know that we are going to be consistent and they cannot persuade us differently.


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I would like to comment on the Dean Family. It was a very interesting perspective to use their two year old son, and a perspective I definitely appreciate. Kids are so smart and when they know it parents can be in trouble. I like how his son knows when to butter up to his mom and when to distract his dad. This is something that I will need to watch with my own kids and pointing this out now will help me think about it quicker in the future.